i miss you

i miss the farm. i miss being with my cousins. i miss swing dancing with uncle paul and everyone watching and cheering. i miss my aunt's mom because she is amazing. she thought uncle paul and i were adorable while we were dancing. and she promised that the next time i come visit she would find someone that had a horse that i could ride around the farm since they don't have their horses anymore. and really she's just an amazing lady. i miss hearing everyone say how good i look and that college sits well with me. or something like that. but of course my dad kinda bursted that bubble afterwards. i miss my aunt and uncle's closest friends, dana and ray. ray was awesome and dana was so sweet. she totally reminds me of miss koppin. i miss my aunt. big surprise. at the funeral the pastor read something she had written about her baptism. it was amazing. i have this necklace that she gave me in 8th grade. when i was baptized. i rarely take it off. it's the small red cross. i used to wear it a lot but this past year i wore it practically everyday. i remember when my mom made me take it off because i was breaking out from the chain it used to be on. stupid allergies. i actually almost cried when she made me take it off. but now it's on a new chain. nickel free :) and it hasn't left my neck. it's means so much more now. after hearing how much her baptism meant to her. 'she always said she would never forget her baptism.' and with her gone it seems i've been holding on tighter to that necklace more than ever. and it still gets me. that the very thing that cured her cancer 18 years ago is the thing that caused her to die now. i was told to be glad i had an extra year with her even though she was in and out of the hospital and how hard the year was. and really, i am glad she was around. she made it to my graduation. it meant the world to me. the last picture i have of the two of us is at my graduation. and i was given the most meaningful graduation gifts from her. she framed my graduation announcement, diploma, and tassels. dana told me she was there when aunt lori picked out the borders for them. it was like dana knew me so well and i had never met her until this past week. then i was given a check from my grandparents estate. it was almost impossible to keep my mouth from dropping open. it's enough to pay for an entire semester of college, if i didn't have any scholarships, and a year of dance classes. and that grand piano sitting in my living room - that's because of her too. it was supposed to go to one of the grandchildren. and it was the only thing i wanted. it was my grandma's. i had my first 'piano lesson' on it. and no offense to becca and jack, but i was the closest to grandma. the two of them always went to grandpa. most kids went to grandpa. i was one of the few that constantly went to grandma. aunt lori somehow settled the whole piano and organ thing. she's the very reason i have my grandma's piano. that paino has been my love since i've had it. i wouldn't trade it for anything. then there's the little things. like cards in the mail. and editing my papers. and i'll always miss that southern accent.