i am a voice yet waiting to be heard
sometimes i really just wish someone would see my dreams. and think they're worth something. and actually believe in them. and in me.
it seems that everytime i tell someone i'm going into elementary ed they tell me i'm crazy for wanting that. i get looks of 'why?' i'm constantly told by kaitlin that it's 'stupid.' that i'm taking 'stupid classes.' she constantly puts down my major and makes fun of it. a lot of people do when they hear about math for elementary teachers and learning how to add. but if that's what it takes to teach... i know i'm called to do this. i know it's what i want and love to do. i had a little girl run into my arms last night and give me a huge hug. she actually started crying when her mom took her from me so they could go home. and i just met this little girl that night. this isn't the first kid i've had not want to leave. not only do i see kids love being around me, but they inspire me. i'm always learning lessons from them. and really, i'm a kid at heart. a five year old trapped in an 18 year olds body. why can't you see that this is what i want? why can't you just support this without thinking i'm crazy?
and i constantly have people telling me that i'm taking too many credits this semester. that 18 credits is going to kill me. that i won't be able to handle it. and you know, i actually started to believe them. but i want this to work. it's only six classes people. and most of them are ones i had a choice in. i picked to take them. somewhat. and yeah i'm going to have to work. but i enjoy that. i enjoy the challenge. if i'm not challenged i'm miserable. 4th grade. i came home in tears everyday because it felt like i was repeating third grade. i absolutely hated it. there was no challenge. at all. and i knew when i registered for this semester that i could do this. and it excites me that i can actually accomplish this. finish 18 credits in one semester. finish freshman year with 37 credits. 4o if you count the english waiver. yet i'm constantly told i can't do it. don't you know that i can do this if i put my mind to it? won't you just believe in me?
and i've been told i look great by so many people. that college agrees with me. and i feel great. but i'm constantly told by my dad that i'm 'too skinny.' usually right after someone tells me how great i look. what do you expect? i walk across campus about five times a day. 4 out of 5 of my classes on camus are in the same building are in the same building but on all different floors. none of them the first floor. and you don't use the elevators in pray harrold. you just don't. unless you want to risk getting stuck. so i'm constantly walking up and down flights of stairs. why should it matter? how come when everyone else thinks i look great, he can't see it? why does he always have to take away that happiness right after i get a compliment?
i want to minor in dance. i want to dance in a church. i want it to be a ministy. i would love a group of girls to teach and create dances to reach out to people of all ages. take it to the streets. to various churches. worship services. to pour my heart and passion into dancing for Him and only Him. i'd even think about teaching at a studio. then i'm told i should minor in music instead. because i 'can do more with it.' my dad talks of having a cd. he keeps bringing up things that i can do. more concerts and so many other things. i don't frickin' want that. i don't want to have a cd. i'm not that talented. that 's not where my passion is. i don't want a life in music. i don't want to give it up... goodness i'm in love with my piano. i don't know what i would do without it. but i don't my life to be in music. i don't want to minor in it. i don't want a cd. i don't want to have tours and play for people all the time. i don't want to teach it. i don't want that. you do. i want to be with kids. i want to give them that foundation that they'll keep with them for the rest of their lives. i want to show them how much an education is worth. i want to learn so much more from them than i could ever teach them. i want to dance. i want to choreograph dances that point to Him. i want to dance as a way of worship. not just as a performace. i want to reach people through that. why can't you acknowledge my dreams? why can't you believe in them? why can't you support them? why can't i be myself?
i know who i am and who i'm supposed to be. but i'm constantly told that i'm insane. that my dreams are stupid. that i can't do it. that i should be someone else. that i should be what everyone else wants me to be. anything but myself. and i'm so sick of it. i want someone to see what i see. i want someone to believe in me. i want someone to believe in my dreams. i want someone to think they're worth something. that i'm worth something. i want to be myself. and not be put down or pushed aside because of it. i want someone to believe in ME. not who they think i should be or who they want me to me.
why can't you just support me? why can't you just believe in me?
it seems that everytime i tell someone i'm going into elementary ed they tell me i'm crazy for wanting that. i get looks of 'why?' i'm constantly told by kaitlin that it's 'stupid.' that i'm taking 'stupid classes.' she constantly puts down my major and makes fun of it. a lot of people do when they hear about math for elementary teachers and learning how to add. but if that's what it takes to teach... i know i'm called to do this. i know it's what i want and love to do. i had a little girl run into my arms last night and give me a huge hug. she actually started crying when her mom took her from me so they could go home. and i just met this little girl that night. this isn't the first kid i've had not want to leave. not only do i see kids love being around me, but they inspire me. i'm always learning lessons from them. and really, i'm a kid at heart. a five year old trapped in an 18 year olds body. why can't you see that this is what i want? why can't you just support this without thinking i'm crazy?
and i constantly have people telling me that i'm taking too many credits this semester. that 18 credits is going to kill me. that i won't be able to handle it. and you know, i actually started to believe them. but i want this to work. it's only six classes people. and most of them are ones i had a choice in. i picked to take them. somewhat. and yeah i'm going to have to work. but i enjoy that. i enjoy the challenge. if i'm not challenged i'm miserable. 4th grade. i came home in tears everyday because it felt like i was repeating third grade. i absolutely hated it. there was no challenge. at all. and i knew when i registered for this semester that i could do this. and it excites me that i can actually accomplish this. finish 18 credits in one semester. finish freshman year with 37 credits. 4o if you count the english waiver. yet i'm constantly told i can't do it. don't you know that i can do this if i put my mind to it? won't you just believe in me?
and i've been told i look great by so many people. that college agrees with me. and i feel great. but i'm constantly told by my dad that i'm 'too skinny.' usually right after someone tells me how great i look. what do you expect? i walk across campus about five times a day. 4 out of 5 of my classes on camus are in the same building are in the same building but on all different floors. none of them the first floor. and you don't use the elevators in pray harrold. you just don't. unless you want to risk getting stuck. so i'm constantly walking up and down flights of stairs. why should it matter? how come when everyone else thinks i look great, he can't see it? why does he always have to take away that happiness right after i get a compliment?
i want to minor in dance. i want to dance in a church. i want it to be a ministy. i would love a group of girls to teach and create dances to reach out to people of all ages. take it to the streets. to various churches. worship services. to pour my heart and passion into dancing for Him and only Him. i'd even think about teaching at a studio. then i'm told i should minor in music instead. because i 'can do more with it.' my dad talks of having a cd. he keeps bringing up things that i can do. more concerts and so many other things. i don't frickin' want that. i don't want to have a cd. i'm not that talented. that 's not where my passion is. i don't want a life in music. i don't want to give it up... goodness i'm in love with my piano. i don't know what i would do without it. but i don't my life to be in music. i don't want to minor in it. i don't want a cd. i don't want to have tours and play for people all the time. i don't want to teach it. i don't want that. you do. i want to be with kids. i want to give them that foundation that they'll keep with them for the rest of their lives. i want to show them how much an education is worth. i want to learn so much more from them than i could ever teach them. i want to dance. i want to choreograph dances that point to Him. i want to dance as a way of worship. not just as a performace. i want to reach people through that. why can't you acknowledge my dreams? why can't you believe in them? why can't you support them? why can't i be myself?
i know who i am and who i'm supposed to be. but i'm constantly told that i'm insane. that my dreams are stupid. that i can't do it. that i should be someone else. that i should be what everyone else wants me to be. anything but myself. and i'm so sick of it. i want someone to see what i see. i want someone to believe in me. i want someone to believe in my dreams. i want someone to think they're worth something. that i'm worth something. i want to be myself. and not be put down or pushed aside because of it. i want someone to believe in ME. not who they think i should be or who they want me to me.
why can't you just support me? why can't you just believe in me?
posted by Ruth Marie at 6:34 PM
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