and i say goodbye to this hurricane of fucking lies

i'm done. no more being consumed by sadness and all the hard things in life. no more letting the chains hold me back from my dreams. no more letting my brokeness keeping me where i am. my pain and brokeness doesn't mean becoming useless. it's a chance to learn. and to grow. and pull closer to God, not farther. i'm done letting satan win. i don't want that life anymore. while at aunt lori's funeral i got a chance to really talk to one of her closest friends, dana. she talked about how 'depressed' wasn't a word in my aunt's vocabulary. and hearing dana talk about how my aunt never let the fact that there was a very large chance that she wouldn't make it through and beat the cancer, she was still able to remain joyful and be herself. and really, if she can still have joy in the midst of all the crap she had to go through in the past 10 months... what have i been doing here just letting things bring me down? there's so much out there i've missed. there's so many dreams i have that i've put on hold and even questioned just because they weren't what others thought i should do. there's so much good out there and in my life that i've refused to acknowledge, that i haven't been able to see. but i'm done. i want this to be my life. i want to work with kids. i want to dance. more than just for myself. but for God. to worship Him and no one else. i'm done trying to live the way others want my life to be. i'm going after my dreams with all the passion within me. and i am so excited to see what could come from it. i'm done being defeated. i'm finished with all the lies. it's like kristin hill said. "fight or be killed." it's time i stand up and begin to fight.